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The blogs on Sensualfusion.com are written by some of the top sexuality experts around. Their information is based on scientific research and fact. Come learn about the latest news, "trends," and issues related to sex, sexual health, and intimate relationships...

The Importance of Marital Generosity

Friday, March 02, 2012

Turns out the smallest gestures can go a long way in successfully combining marriage and parenthood. A report from the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia and the Center for Marriage and Families found that making your partner a cup of coffee or giving your lover a back rub after a long day at work makes for greater marital happiness.

In examining ten aspects of modern social life and relationships, ranging from sexual satisfaction to religious faith to shared housework, researchers surveyed 2,870 couples and found that spouses benefit when they practice the “ethic of marital generosity.” This virtue basically gets at how husbands and wives go out of their way to be affectionate or forgiving. (Not surprisingly, sexual satisfaction and a sense of commitment were the only two traits that exceeded generosity in contributing to relationship happiness.)

So if bettering your most precious, personal relationship is your goal, seek to give more goodness “freely and abundantly,” as these were the qualities the study used to define generosity. Men and women who scored highest on the survey’s generosity scale were much more likely to rate being “very happy” in their unions, with such kindliness of particular value to those with children.

In realizing such happiness, partners can start by asking themselves a series of questions: What can you do to go above and beyond what’s normally expected of you in contributing to your relationship and household? How can you try to be more affectionate? What little gestures can you make that ultimately foster more happiness in your marriage? How can you show your partner more respect? How can you be more forgiving of your partner’s mistakes or failings to date or from here on out?

The more that you can volunteer to take on a task, seek to share responsibilities, and give more goodness, the better both of you will be able to manage the strains of marriage, from the financial to the emotional. And if you have a baby on the way, or are well into childrearing, plan to majorly step up. Researchers found that all of these efforts are even more critical – and rewarding – in combining marriage with parenthood.


Security = Better Sex

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Being secure has never meant so much to the quality of your relationship. According to researchers at the University of the Basque Country in Spain, people who feel secure in their romantic relationship have a more satisfactory sex life than those who are insecure with their partner. Being secure also means having a greater ability to be more attuned with the affection one doles out.  

Such findings are based on a sample of 211 long-term couples, ages 20 – 65, who answered questions regarding sexual satisfaction, sexual behavior and care, and their level of conflict in their erotic desire. Participants were divided into two big groups depending on their affective model – insecure versus secure - with the former group then categorized as having either an anxious or ambivalent attachment style.

As expected, insecure individuals faired far worse in their relationships than secure people in being less happy and experiencing more conflict in their sexual desire. People described as anxious-ambivalent were more compulsive in their care for their lovers, while those described as avoidant were more controlling and experienced more conflict in their sexual desire.

So what could this mean for your relationship? If you’re the anxious type, then it’s likelier that you’re clinging onto your partner, as well as compulsively caring for your sweetie. If you’re the avoidant type, then it’s more probable that you’re evading the relationship, never truly allowing yourself to own the union. Hence, you’re probably experiencing more intimacy problems. And if one of you is anxious and the other is avoidant, then you probably already know well that this disastrous combination is likeliest to end up on the ropes; such couples often end up needing to go to counseling.

In resolving such issues, researchers recommend that each person actively support the other emotionally, e.g., when one is feeling down. Lovers also need to recognize their own need for support and ask for such whenever they feel anxious. The ability to put yourself in what they call a ‘position of dependency’ allows for a better state of being, ultimately making for a healthier, more secure relationship. And that can make for a better sex life!

Senior Sexual Satisfaction

Monday, April 25, 2011

The secrets to senior sexual satisfaction may surprise you. They don’t involve erection-enhancing drugs, sexual enhancement products, specific moves or some special fountain of youth secret. Research has found that optimal, memorable sex involves none of that and a whole lot more. A study in The Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality interviewed married couples over age 60, finding that the following made for the best sex of their lives:

  1. Feeling present, focused, and in the body – lovers reported being totally into the moment.
  2. Connection, alignment, merger, being in sync – partners felt deeply connected, becoming one and synchronous with the alignment of their energies.
  3. Deep sexual and erotic intimacy, including caring, deep mutual respect, admiration, and true acceptance of the other.
  4. Super communication and heightened empathy. Partners could read their lover’s bodily responses, picking up on non-verbals in every way.
  5. Real, uninhibited, genuine, transparent interactions, with one’s ability to become emotionally naked, share freely, and feel unselfconscious vital. 
  6. Vulnerability and surrender, with lovers exposing themselves to ultimately penetrate each other’s souls.
  7. Transcendence, bliss, peace, transformation, healing, with sex becoming a state of soulful, timeless exultation.
  8. Exploration, interpersonal risk-taking, fun, with sex a light-hearted adventure.

Maintaining an active, thriving sex life as a senior is further possible when couples incorporate a number of key strategies to combating issues that can sideline their sexual pursuits, amongst them:

  • Embracing your body. It’s not fair to yourself or your lover to compare yourselves to your younger selves or to younger lovers. You need to accept your appearance and abilities, lest you be left nothing but sexually dissatisfied.
  • Recognizing that getting older doesn’t mean the end of sex. Yes, poor health and the side effects of medications can get in the way of being sexually intimate in many ways. So it’s important to talk to your doctor about what to expect, sexually speaking, in getting older and maintaining your health. Remember, knowledge is power!
  • Not giving too much weight to any physical losses. The emotional and relationship qualities of your relationship are the ones that ultimately enhance your sexual response. Don’t discount these, especially in putting all of your expectations on what can – or can’t – be done physically.
  • Being physically affectionate on a regular basis. Seniors with higher relationship satisfaction report greater frequencies of kissing, hugging, and sexual touch.
  • Staying healthy, exercising and watching what you eat. Also, avoid smoking, abusing legal including prescription) and illegal drugs, or drinking excessive amounts of alcohol.
  • Not buying into the myths, stigmas, and negative societal beliefs that older people themselves believe when it comes to senior sex. Many think that they are incapable of having sex or that sexual expression isn’t natural or healthy for seniors. Au contraire!
  • Staying socially connected and active, making attempts to counter any negative societal myths or stigmas around senior sex. You’re very capable of expressing your sexuality. It’s perfectly normal and natural to do so. Don’t let anyone or anything hold you back!
  • Experimenting. Try new positions for greater comfort, e.g., side by side. Test out different sex toys, especially vibrators for his and her pleasuring, since these gadgets can offer more direct and intense arousal for more sensation and excitement.

It’s important to note that optimal sex can be experienced despite lovers not always reaching climax. The best sex isn’t physiologically-based, rather a total mind-body-soul experience. Finally, amazing sex can be had as you get older or find yourself dealing with a disability or chronic illness. The best sex really boils down to one’s mind set and allowing yourself to become sexually satisfied, beyond the mechanics, in more than one way.



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